Current:Home > MyRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -TradeGrid
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-16 22:57:33
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (116)
Related
- US wholesale inflation accelerated in November in sign that some price pressures remain elevated
- Eiza González Defends Jennifer Lopez After Singer Cancels Tour
- Marian Robinson, the mother of Michelle Obama who lived in the White House, dies at 86
- Mexico’s drug cartels and gangs appear to be playing a wider role in Sunday’s elections than before
- The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
- South Korea court orders SK Group boss to pay a record $1 billion divorce settlement
- From collapsed plea deal to trial: How Hunter Biden has come to face jurors on federal gun charges
- How Real Housewives Stars Heather Dubrow and Alexis Bellino’s Transgender Kids Brought Them Closer
- Travis Hunter, the 2
- Women's College World Series 2024 live: Updates, score for UCLA vs. Oklahoma softball game
Ranking
- Former Syrian official arrested in California who oversaw prison charged with torture
- Michelle Obama's Mother Marian Shields Robinson Dead at 86
- Nevada State Primary Election Testing, Advisory
- Louisiana law that could limit filming of police hampers key tool for racial justice, attorneys say
- Former longtime South Carolina congressman John Spratt dies at 82
- The FDA is weighing whether to approve MDMA for PTSD. Here's what that could look like for patients.
- Olympic gold medal wrestler Gable Steveson signing with Buffalo Bills
- Untangling the Story Behind Dancing for the Devil: The 7M TikTok Cult
Recommendation
Juan Soto praise of Mets' future a tough sight for Yankees, but World Series goal remains
Helicopter crashes in a field in New Hampshire, officials say
Whistleblower lawsuit alleges retaliation by Missouri House speaker
Jennifer Lopez cancels This is Me ... Now tour to spend time with family: I am completely heartsick
Which apps offer encrypted messaging? How to switch and what to know after feds’ warning
It's Luka Doncic and Kyrie Irving vs. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown for the NBA crown
Run, Don’t Walk to J. Crew Factory’s Swim & Short Sale With Cute One Pieces, Bikinis & More up to 60% Off
U.S. to make millions of bird flu vaccine doses this summer, as cases grow